"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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