i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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