...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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