is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You can't just leave with hair like that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
