Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
