i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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