Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
