Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
