Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
