The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
do nipples grow back?
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