Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
