i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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