It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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