Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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