blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
