WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
pray to the hookup gods
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
