I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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