dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize