you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
