do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
