So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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