Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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