Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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