Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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