so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
