Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
