did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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