he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
