and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
