please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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