So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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