My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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