Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
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Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize