Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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