There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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