Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
