Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
