This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
