considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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