No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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