I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
