Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
