Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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