I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
