I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
