on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I will pee on everything he values.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
