I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
