You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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