apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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