In the future we'll all be gay
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
