Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize