Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
