will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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