so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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