So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
