One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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