Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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