I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
