no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
