Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
