I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
