did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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