bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
