Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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