Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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