sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
