I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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