pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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