i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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