i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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