We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
