there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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